The Menu

Tacos &
Other Walk-Backs.

Five tacos. Three sides. Three levels of escalation. All positions subject to change without notice.

01

The T.A.C.O.

Big threats. Bigger promises. Then everybody gets tacos.

02

Redacted

We promised complete transparency. This is everything we can release at this time.

03

Concepts of a Plan(t)

After years of development, we’re proud to offer the concept of a taco.

04

Liberation Day

Unveiled at maximum strength. Final configuration subject to negotiation.

05

No New Wars

Committed to keeping the peace. Additional ingredients may be deployed as conditions warrant.

Dozy Don holding a taco
Official Menu Status Approved Pending Further Review.

Side Deals

Supporting Positions

The Greenland Grab

Guacamole

Highly desirable. Strategically important. Apparently not ours.

The Art of the Dip

Chips & Salsa

Negotiations begin with chips. Concessions usually follow.

The Rice Stuff

Mexican Rice

The finest grain-based achievement in American history. Many people are saying it.

Salsas

Choose Your Level of Escalation

The Soft Launch

Mild Salsa

Introduced cautiously. Polling remains positive.

The Escalation

Medium Salsa

Limited, targeted, and absolutely not the beginning of anything larger.

Maximum Pressure

Hot Salsa

All options remain on the table.